Helping vs. Hindering

Parents and caregivers love their children, and we do what is in our power to give them the best lives possible. We want them to be happy, healthy, safe, independent, risk-takers, etc. As adults, we create the structure and make decisions for children to help create smooth transitions or make the day feel successful for everyone, and that often starts when they wake up in the morning. That adult desire to help make things as smooth as possible can cause us to step in too soon or too much, which is when helping becomes hindering.

Maria Montessori says, “What the hand does, the mind remembers.” This idea is discussed more thoroughly in the book Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Angeline Stoll Lillard and supported by extensive research. Lillard cites various studies, but one in particular is a study conducted in 1985 by Benson and Uzgiris. In this study, 10-month-olds watched as the experimenter hid a toy under a cloth. Half of the infants in a trial could crawl over to retrieve the toy while a guardian carried over the other half. At the end of the study, they found that the majority of crawling infants were able to find the toy successfully, but only 1 of the infants who was being carried was able to find it. This study resulted in the finding that those infants who crawled on their own were able to better keep track of the spatial layout. Similar studies were conducted with older children who could complete tasks independently vs. being restricted in some way. They resulted in similar findings that align with the Montessori statement, “What the hand does, the mind remembers.” It is a quote we Montessorians use a lot!

These studies are often catalysts for me to question my actions in relation to toddlers. “What am I doing for the child that they can do for themselves?” Though a better question to ask myself would be, “By stepping in too soon, what experience am I robbing this child of?” We never want to lead a child to frustration, but when do we step in to help? As a caregiver, my first step in guiding children to independence is to observe and know where each child is developmentally and emotionally. Parents can do the same at home; it is fun too!

Sometimes, even when children can do it themselves, there will be a day when they need some extra help (even we adults need help from time to time). It could be due to them being hungry, tired, not feeling well, or just because it’s a rainy Tuesday. When a child needs assistance, I start slow by verbalizing the action. For instance, when a sad child arrives at school and is about to change their shoes, I might say, “Pull the tab.” If they have difficulty or are very frustrated, I will tell them, ” I am going to start it.” Then, I will pull the tab just a little and let them finish it. If the child needs more help, I might do one shoe for them, and they can do the other. This is also how we help children who aren’t quite capable of doing it themselves. We give them verbal directions and show them where their hands go, like one hand on the heel of the shoe to push it off. When this is built into their routine, and they get daily practice, their muscles become stronger, and their movements become more precise, leading to the success of changing their shoes.

Olivia Powers and Katie Brown hosted a session for our Parent Ed series entitled, “Help me to do it myself!”: Unpacking Independence. When that video is available, I will share it with you.

Good Morning!

We start our welcome circle every morning by saying good morning to everyone in the room and adding affirmations to the song. We occasionally change it up, but here are the general lyrics to our good morning song:

Good morning, good morning

Good morning to all of my friends!

Good morning, good morning

Good morning to all of my friends!

It’s Thursday, it’s Thursday

It’s Thursday today!

It’s Thursday, it’s Thursday

It’s Thursday today!

It’s gonna be a great day, it’s gonna be a great day

It’s gonna be a great day today!

It’s gonna be a great day, it’s gonna be a great day

It’s gonna be a great day today!

The children have been very active and interested in working this past month. Their desire for work has led to the introduction of more complex puzzles, challenging utensils, and multistep practical life works like flower arranging and washing cloths with a washboard. For children who are not quite ready for these materials they still have the opportunity to explore the work, often getting help from a friend, or they enjoy observing their friends working with them.

Pajama Day

The children were so excited to show off their pajamas on pajama day, and to top it off, we strung up winter wonderland lights around the observation window.

Books

The children have enjoyed singing along to the books Down by the Bay and Let It Shine. We read The Snowy Day on Monday, and the children loved it… and then on Tuesday, it snowed! I am not saying it snowed because we put up our winter wonderland lights and read the snowy day, but it is a coincidence that felt quite magical.

Upcoming Events

• Monday, December 4: Toy/Book/Pajama Drive begins
• Wednesday, December 6th: Blue – A short film and discussion about maternal/paternal mental health (7:00 pm)
• Friday, December 15: Last Day of School
• Monday, December 18 – January 1: School Closed for Winter Break
• Tuesday, January 2: School Resumes

Previous Blogs

• Monarch Community: Toddler Development & the Importance of Limits and Natural Consequences (October 2023)
• Monarch Community: Setting Your Child Up for Success through Repetition and Routine Building (September 2023)
• Monarch Community: Welcome To The Monarch Community at Greene Towne Montessori School (August 2023)