“Repetition is the secret of perfection.”

Maria Montessori

Most adults have heard the expression, “Practice makes perfect.” When a person repeats specific movements, muscle memory develops, and those movements become second nature, requiring less mental and physical effort to accomplish. Think of trying to play the piano, perfecting a yoga pose, driving to work from a new home, becoming a parent for the first time, etc. It takes time for these things to feel natural and may invoke intense feelings along the path of growth. For toddlers, they are building neural connections in addition to muscle memory. As they practice certain activities like spooning, drinking from a glass, or taking off shoes, they are actively thinking about how to position their hands and fingers, which way to move, how fast the movement should be, etc. The same is true for learning a new routine or trying to navigate change. 

Setting Your Child Up For Success

Toddlers want to feel significant and desire control. When most of their day is decided for them, or they are consistently redirected, they can become frustrated or highly emotional. Routines help Toddlers with the feeling of control that they so desperately seek. When a routine is established and practiced, they know what the expectation is or what the outcome should be. Their reactions are based on their repeated experiences. When a routine is not established or is broken, their responses are based on emotions. This is why transitions, especially new ones, can lead to big feelings and crying, like the beginning of a new school year. 

The children are becoming more comfortable with their new schedule, our communication, and the new routines within their school day. After one whole week at school, some enter the environment and walk straight to their cubby to change into their indoor shoes. They sit for Circle after seeing the lights go out and hearing the chimes. They are lining up alone and need less assistance to go to Recess. They will sit down in their chair upon hearing, “When you eat, you sit.” 

When repetition is our goal, and we aim to be as consistent as possible with routines, the children will become more independent and less dependent on us for success.

Limits

Repetition, with setting and enforcing limits, boundaries, or rules, is a critical ingredient for toddlers’ social-emotional development. Limits give them an understanding of acceptable behavior and will guide them in becoming functional and regulated people in society. When creating limits, you want to make sure they are:

• Clear

• Be sure that you and your partner are on the same team. If you are giving mixed messages, your child will be confused. Talk about limits with your partner. What is acceptable and what is not?

• Easy to understand

• If your child does not understand the limit, they cannot follow it.
• Too much talking or too many words might confuse or distract your child. Use simple phrases.

• Developmentally appropriate

• Is the limit achievable? For instance, cleaning their entire room or sharing. Cleaning their entire room is a lot of work. Start with something small and specific, like “Your dirty clothes go into the laundry basket.” Sharing is not developmentally appropriate for toddlers younger than 3 years old. Often, adults expect children to share their work or toys, but they are not ready to do this.

Children, especially toddlers, need reminders. Let’s face it: sometimes adults need reminders too. Toddlers may even know the limit, but developmentally, it is their job to push those limits and boundaries. This is where repetition and consistency on the adult’s part are crucial. Your children are problem-solving about what is appropriate and not appropriate, and it is our job to remind them. 

When giving reminders, it is helpful to deliver the message in a positive way. Tell your child what they can do instead of what they cannot do. This will also give toddlers a better understanding of when “no” is used by an adult and that it is serious. There are phrases that we use in the classroom that your children hear us say daily. It may be helpful for you to use at home. Some of our common phrases are:

• “Hands on your own body.”
• “You may walk in the classroom.”
• “When you eat, you sit.”
• ‘In the basket.”
  • One-line directions to remind the child where the work goes, especially with work containing multiple pieces
• “Spit stays in your mouth. If you must spit, go to the bathroom sink.”
  • this is where they spit when they brush their teeth
• “When you throw the work, it tells me you are finished.”

The best and most effective way to build routines is to discuss your approach with the other adults caring for your child, whether it is your partner, the child’s grandparents, a nanny, or a babysitter. When you create and establish routines with the adults first, it will be clearer for your child. I have created guides to help you with ideas on approaching routine building. These guides address topics such as toileting, redirecting your child, how to set your home up for success, etc. I will add a link to this folder in each blog so it is easy for you to access. 

Feel free to share with the adults in your child’s life. Here is the folder: Ms. Michelle’s Guides. 

Flexibility & Change

Routines change because that is life. Sometimes, a guest comes over for dinner, you are traveling to see family, or your child misses a nap due to an extended trip to the park. Even fun and happy times can often cause dysregulation (changes in behavior and mood) in your child. The more established and consistent your daily routines are, the more emotional agility your child will develop and will become more flexible. 

Also, when traveling and vacationing, there are some ways you can help your child to have control during the unknown. They can help pack their overnight bag and see the items inside. Be sure to have their favorite pajamas and perhaps two sets so they can choose which to wear at night. Include one to three books for them to read, along with something for their hands to do: lego blocks, coloring, a sponge to scrub the floor, etc. When arriving at where you are staying (hotel, family home, condo, etc.), walk them around to show them the space. Invite them to put their toothbrush by the bathroom sink and unpack their bag.

Parent Education Series

As part of Greene Towne’s Parent Education Series, we invited Dr. Lisa Dissinger, Greene Towne’s consulting child psychologist, and Emily Bittner, Greene Towne’s Montessori Director, to discuss the transition to school for families. 

I feel so fortunate to have Dr. Lisa Dissinger as a part of our Greene Towne Community, and I strongly encourage you to watch her discussion with Emily about big changes and what they mean for toddlers and you!

Parent Education Rewind: Back to School = Big Changes!

Recommendations for Parents

• Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
• The Whole Brain Child by Doctors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
• 1, 2, 3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan

Upcoming Dates

• October 6th: School is closed for Professional Development
• October 10th: School is closed for Indigenous Peoples Day
• October 16th: Parent Coffee from 8:30 am – 9:00 am
  • Join me for a brief conversation about what is happening in the classroom and what to expect from Parent Observations and Parent Teacher Conferences.
• October 14th: GTMS Open House 9:00 am – 11:00 am
• October 22nd: Fall Walk at the Rail Park 10:00 am – 1:00 pm
  • This is a fun get-together at the Rail Park, where children and their adults may choose to dress up in a costume. I hope to see you there!

Previous Blogs: 

Ms. Michelle: Welcome to the Monarch Community at Greene Towne Montessori School (August 2023)