Birch Community- Grace and Courtesy in the Classroom and Beyond

If you have been a Montessori Parent for one year, two years, or even fives years – you’ve probably heard the expression ‘grace and courtesy’ used quite frequently in relation to children’s activity in the classroom. It is almost the sixth “invisible” curriculum area within the classroom along with math, language, sensorial, practical life, and culture. While it does not have a progression of materials on the shelves to support specific concepts as the other areas of learning do, it still deserves just as much attention and practice as the rest of the curriculum.

Grace and courtesy encompasses learned qualities such as manners, attitudes, etiquette, social interactions, emotional development, acts of service, and more. The children within a Montessori classroom are exposed to this from day one – starting with how to greet someone! When a child walks in the door, we model this by looking them in the eye and greeting them by name with a “Hello” or “Good Morning”. Over time the child will reciprocate the exchange and internalize the polite nature of being acknowledged and seen as a part of the community.

A similar lesson learned over time is waiting your turn to speak in a group setting or with a friend. Group circle time is a great opportunity to practice this. Many children are excited to share about something discussed with the group or simply about something that happened to them that they just thought of. One way to draw attention to this is by saying, “I see a lot of you have something to say. When we all speak at the same time, our words bump into each other and I don’t know who they belong to.” The resolution of course is raising a quiet hand and waiting your turn to speak.

Other examples of grace & courtesy include:
– Saying excuse me to get by
– Getting a teacher or adults attention by placing a hand on their shoulder or standing nearby
– Moving through the environment without disturbing others concentrating on work
– Asking a classmate if it is okay to watch them work
– Using a quiet voice inside
– Putting work away and preparing the materials for the next person to use
– Politely saying “no, thank you” or “not right now” to someone who invites you to work or play
– Checking in with someone who is hurt or sad

While all of these interactions and lessons may seem obvious or second nature to those of us who care for children of our own or whole classes, they are not always to the children! Sometimes they need many examples of what to do when they upset someone, or how to walk around many obstacles in their way to get somewhere, or to patiently wait their turn to use something. They may also need the words as well. Rather than expecting them to know, give them the appropriate language to use. “You can say yes please or no, thank you.” “Next time, you can say I’m sorry to that friend.” “When you tap my shoulder, then I will know that you need my attention.” These clear, explicit instructions are used for many lessons given throughout the different learning areas so the children become accustomed to learning how to be a part of the community as something to continually be practiced and mastered.

It’s no coincidence that you may see and hear some of these manners and expressions at home that carry over from the classroom culture. And this is the goal; To support the children to become active, considerate, peaceful, and empathetic citizens of our world.